


The Would Haves

by honeyeyedstranger



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25707016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyeyedstranger/pseuds/honeyeyedstranger
Summary: Reader is a teacher who loves her job. After disaster strikes, your world collides with a certain super soldier. This is about what has been and what could've been.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	The Would Haves

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for any and all mistakes!

The spoon clinks inside his mug. You push the sugar bowl toward him. He murmurs a soft 'thank you' and grabs a spoonful. You stare at him for a moment. You scratch the top of your head, unsure what to say.

"Ok, just start from the beginning. What exactly went wrong?" You ask, bluntly. He sighed but then a smile gradually broke out onto his face.

"Actually, something went right. Let me explain."

-1 year ago-

You sighed as you dropped one of your bags on the floor. You looked around your small apartment. It was a lot smaller then you expected. 

You have just come back from an assignment in Brazil. You were a volunteer in the peace corps And this was one of the longest assignments you have done so far. After 4 years, you decided to take a year in between.

Reasonably, NYC was not a practical choice of place to live in. But you felt like it was calling out to you. Maybe you should've gotten a roommate but your father refused to let a stranger live with you so he is helping with a huge chunk of the rent.

Your father, now he was a kind man. He has his own business back home. After the dusting, it was hard to start from the ground up. But eventually he opened a few local restaurants in your hometown and your dad became a well-known businessman.

He was so proud of you. He was so proud to have raised a selfless woman who loved helping others. Not a lot of parents could take credit for their child's successes but you think he totally deserves all the credit. Your mother disappeared along with half the world. And he'd never leave you to fend for yourself.

That is why when he found out how little of an allowance the PC was giving you, he deposited thrice that into your bank account once a month. 

"I just want you to be comfortable. You're out there changing children's lives, I don't want you worrying about where to rest your head or what to eat." And so you never complained but you always thanked him. You never asked for it and you made sure to never ask for more

So when you told him you were moving to Brooklyn into a micro apartment and taking a full-time teaching job, he didn't even hesitate to commit to paying your rent.

Like you said, your father was a kind man.

The school you applied to was centralized in a lower-income community. It was 5 stories high, much like a lot of buildings in the area. 

You were good at your job. One of the best, if the amount of hand drawn certificates and macaroni glued art awards were anything to go by. Children naturally gravitated towards you.

"It's your aura of innocence," your favorite waitress at one of your father's restaurants, Donna, had commented. "Children are usually a good judge of character, you know. And you just so happen to attract them like flies." That comment made you laugh.

The first day was exactly how you expected it to be. Many, if not all the students started out shy but you can already tell who is going to be who. Little Sandy is quiet as a mouse but she is so intelligent. Her answers to your assignments were very well thought out. Sam had a lot of questions but you can tell he knows exactly what he is doing. And so on and so foward.

And the weeks went by, and then months. The leaves started changing colors and the skies became dark and then gray time and time again. And sometimes you didn't even have time to think for yourself. And sometimes you forgot to eat.

Then suddenly the world paused on that fateful day.

The class was in the middle of a reading session. It was something that you had to fight for the school board to implement school wide. You were halfway writing the next day's teaching plan when there was a large rumbling beneath you. 

Your eyebrows had furrowed in confusion. You had never heard anything like that before. Suddenly it seemed like everything moved in slow motion as the building around started to shake. You jump out of your chair only to lose your balance. You catch yourself at the edge of your desk.

"Get under your desks, NOW!" you yelled at your students. They all exchanged fearful glances but your command left no room for question. They moved, almost too slowly for your liking.

But the building was old. Historical, even. And it started crumbling around you. All you could hear was screaming.

...

Steve paused as the ground swayed beneath him. He looked around the hall he was standing in, he leaned against the wall for balance. It lasted about 25 seconds. When the tremor passed he shrugged and continued his trek into the kitchen. Tony was standing there, his ipad in one hand, a half eaten banana in the other.

"Any chance that was you?" Steve joked, half-heartedly.

"Hilarious, the Capsicle has made a joke," Tony said as he continued biting into his banana. He hummed as he swiped though his ipad. "It was an earthquake. 5.0 according to my readings. Not too bad but kind of worrisome. Friday, we best keep track of tectonic shifting after this one. Keep me updated on any aftershocks and-" the breath suddenly lodged in his throat. Steve looked up to see what had silenced him. He seemed to have gone pale. 

"What is it?" He asked, his nerves already on edge. Tony discarded the banana into the garbage can. "Tony, tell me."

"It's a school. It's bad." He started playing the police radio chatter.

"The building's collapsed-"

"The children are trapped-"

"My daughter is in there, she's a teacher-"

"My kids, they're 5 and 6 and I don't know what to do-"

"I was on the 3rd floor-"

"The children-"

"Assemble the team," Tony said, without hesitation. "This is going to be a tough one."

...

It has been 4 hours since the incident.

Steve is already sifting through debris. He has managed to pull out some students but the fire department has not yet deemed it safe to enter. But he refused to listen as his sensitive hearing could pick up on screaming and crying.

Tony was setting up a machine he had designed for natural disasters like this. "Its still in the works, but it should help us a lot. It will basically analyze a specific area and tell us if its safe to sift though it. And how to sift through without further comprising the structure. If you go too fast, you might risk further damage. Or accidently kill someone." Steve nodded, trying to listen but he couldn't hear him above the screams underneath the debris.

"Point out where you hear someone," Tony suggested. Steve pointed to a large pile of debris. Tony set up the machine. It set up a perfect rendering of it. "OK, team, let's get started."

After a few hours, Steve reached in a small concave when a hand suddenly grasped his. It took him by surprise as he did not even hear anyone underneath. He responded by squeezing the hand.

"Don't worry, I'll get you out of there. Tony!" He shouted.

...

When you were pulled out of the debris, you nearly cried at the sight around you. "No!" You choked out.

"Hey, it's alright, we're working on it. Now let's get you checked out by a paramedic." The man who pulled you out, put your arm around his shoulder.

"I'm fine!" You pulled away from him. You turned to look at him. You hadn't even looked at him yet at that point. But when you did, you felt like you were trapped underneath the rubble again. Your breath caught in your chest His blue eyes shook you to your core. The little stab of pain to your heart again reminding you that you were not immune to good looks. You shook off the feeling and instead straightened your shoulders. "Tell me how to help."

"You should really see a paramedic," he started, worry evident in his eyes.

"No, please, these are my kids. I can't not help them," you pleaded. He hesitated for a moment as he took in the sight of you.

Your knee length dress was dusty and your hair was a mess. You had a bleeding scrape on your forehead. And your exposed legs were dirty and bloodied.

"When this is finished, I'll see a paramedic," you bargained. Steve hesitated again. "I promise," you said, holding out your pinky finger.

The corner of his mouth lifted a bit in amusement. "Alright," he murmured, rubbing the back of his head.

"You have to interlock pinkies to make it official," you said to him. He chuckled but wrapped his pinky around yours anyway. He couldn't the smile on his face. You were a strange one. You must be a favorite among your students. The innocence surrounding you intrigued him.

...

He later found you sitting in the back of an ambulance. The paramedic had just finished bandaging the cut on your forehead.

"It'll scar but it'll take a lot to ruin your pretty face," the paramedic said to you. A tired genuine smile made its way onto your face.

"Thank you," you responded, kindly in response. Steve took this time to clear his throat. You both looked over at him. The paramedic smiled gently and took this time to pack things away.

Steve sat down next to you. He reached behind you and pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

"You did amazing out there," he said to you. You nodded, exhaustion finally outweighing the adrenaline in your body. You rested your head on his shoulder. Apparently exhaustion was winning out your sanity at this point. "I'm Steve, by the way," he added.

"I know," you murmured, already drifting off to sleep.

...

"Dad," you groaned in embarrassment.

"I'm just saying, one day you're going to meet someone who makes your heart skip a beat or two and you're going to want to make your own life. This is just a way to kickstart that life with your future significant other." You sigh, as you adjust the phone against your ear. "It's just a trust fund, baby. It won't even concern you until much later."

"I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you," you say quietly, glancing up at the class photo above at your desk.

In the end, you ended up losing 2 of your students. The world lost two souls that had the potential to change the world. And not a day went by without you thinking of them.

It's been 2 months since the incident.

"You deserve the world, baby. And so do your future children. If they ever come along," he grumbled, playfully. That one made you laugh.

"What if I adopt a cat?"

"That's acceptable. Grand fur-children are very much valid."

"Then it's settled. His name will be Samantha," you said, reminiscing the time you went to see Frozen 2 with your father.

"Christ, haven't you a job, child?" your father chastised you. You cackled.

"Talk to you later, Daddy-o."

...

He started showing up at your doorstep a few weeks later. "Don't you have to save the world or something?" You asked him one time.

"There is always time for coffee," he retorted, not missing a beat. You invited him in for coffee after that.

"You're not very subtle, are you?"

Your therapist called it survivor's guilt. You questioned why you lived whilst others died. That sort of thinking had never infiltrated your mind before. You told Steve this.

"I know a thing or two about that," he said, quietly. You nearly facepalm yourself at your mistake.

"Steve, I am so sorry. I'm an idiot. A complete oblivious idiot." He smiled gently. But curiousity won out your guilt at some point. That was another thing about you that made you seem so childlike to him. Your curiosity. "Tell me about her," you said suddenly one day.

And so he went on to tell you about the sassy woman he left behind in 1945. And you were also fascinated. You felt like one of your students during story-time. Except they didn't end up a blubbering mess like you did.

Steve awkwardly handed you a tissue. You laughed, despite yourself. "Always a gentleman. My dad would be in love with you," you said without thinking. Steve's eyes widened in shock at your comment. You didn't even realize what you said.

And you shared your story about the man you loved who fell for someone else.

"I read a book once about alternate universes. Maybe it's kind of masochist to think about it, but I comfort myself by thinking about how in an alternate universe things worked out completely fine. So maybe in a different timeline, you and Peggy are together. And me and him are living happily ever after. Maybe in the same universe."

"That is very nice to think about," he nodded, just barely recovering from your earlier comment. The implication of it made his heart beat speed up a bit.

...

During his frequent visits, eventually you gravitated towards your living room. Sometimes you both talked non-stop and other times, especially after a rough mission of his, you both just sat in silence, sharing the couch. A blanket was wrapped around your shoulders as you both watched Frozen.

"I don't understand the hate. The music is very good," Steve commented.

"Well, imagine a 5 year old replaying it 20 times a day, for 2 years. I think it gets old quickly," you said, watching the TV intently.

"You don't get sick of it?" He asked, turning to look at you.

"I don't know if you realized that I'm not really normal," you said, playfully. He nudges your shoulder with his.

"I wasn't going to say anything but since you said it..." he trailed off. You whip your head around to look at him. He bursted into laughter at your reaction.

"Hilarious," you grumbled, good naturedly. He holds your gaze a little longer than necessary. You don't like the fluttering in your belly, so you quickly turn back to the TV.

You had been in love before. Once. And you like to think he was in love with you, too. But when you finally worked up the courage to ask him out, he announced he was dating your best friend. And you promised yourself to never allow yourself to fall the way you did for him. It was a different kind of grief when you grieved someone who was never yours to begin with.

So when Steve's eyes started lingering a little longer than usual on your face, you tried to make a point of looking away quickly.

But the truth was it was mostly so that he wouldn't catch the blush on your cheeks. But he was kind enough to never mention it.

...

Coffee at your place became your ritual. You asked him why one day.

"I don't find good coffee like yours," he shrugged. You didn't comment that your dad once said you make the worst coffee in the world. You try to hide the smile on your face.

You reached for his favorite mug on the top shelf. You fingers barely brushed it when you suddenly felt a large presence behind you. His body warmth seeped through his clothing. Your heart thudded in your throat.

With a hand on your waist, he reached above you for the mug, gently placing it on the counter. You tried to control your quickening breath when you turned to face him. He hadn't moved away an inch.

"Steve," you breathed out. He looked down at you, your breaths intermingling. He leaned in toward you, slowly as if he was gauging your reaction. Your eyes slowly fluttered closed and when he was a hairsbreath away, a loud crash had you both jumping apart.

He ran toward the sound in your living room only to find a cat looking all too content with itself on one of your shelves.

"Oh, I got a cat," you laughed nervously. Trying to shake off what went down not even 30 seconds ago. He turned to look at you and started laughing.

You never talked about it after that.

...

Steve has been very busy lately with missions with the team. Which means that you saw less of him than you liked. But when he did get away, you always tried to make the most of your limited time.

"How much time do you have?"

"About 4 hours, give or take. Enough to watch Frozen 2." You broke out into a grin.

"Oh, no you're gonna have to work for that one. I waited years!" You said, dramatically. He shook his head at your exaggeration. You started brewing a pot of coffee for him.

You had finally taken pity on him and asked your dad how to brew a proper pot of coffee. There was no reason as to why Steve had to endure a horrible situation every time he visited.

"Why...? You don't even like coffee," your dad had said over the phone. You opened your mouth ready to sass him when you hesitated. "Unless..."

"Unless...?" You asked.

"Unless you're brewing for someone else."

"Ew. Don't say it like that. It sounds so dirty!" You laughed.

"Aha! So it is for someone else! Are you seeing someone?" He asked. You could almost picture him pointing an accusing finger at you.

"No. Yes. Not really."

"You don't 'not really' see someone, darling."

"I know. Its just...very complicated."

"Oh, God. Are you listening to yourself?"

"I know, I know. It just sort of slipped out," you sighed, your head dropping into your arms. "I don't know. I think we almost kissed."

"Almost?"

"I've never done this before!" You defended yourself. He started laughing. "It's not funny!"

"No, honey, I know. Its just...sometimes I wish your mother was here. She would uncomplicate it for you. I'm useless here, honey."

"No, you're not. You're just here. And that's everything."

...

Something very strange happened on Steve's last visit.

You were both sitting on your apartment building's rooftop. Your jacket was pulled tight around you. You were both looking over the edge, people-watching.

"So you just make up scenarios?"

"Yes. Like this. See that woman over there?" You pointed down at a middle-aged woman, a child at her side. She was wearing a yellow polka-dot dress, and a parka around her shoulders.

"Mhm," he hummed in agreement.

"She's a teacher. She teaches up the street, high school kids. And they love her. Her child absolutely loves going to her school and being doted upon by all the cute high school girls. She's married, her husband works long hours. But today she put on his favorite dress, because she loves seeing that twinkle in his eye when he looks over at her. And she'd endure all kinds of cold in that thin dress if it brings a smile on his face." Steve listened intently, observing the woman on the street, several stories below them.

"That's amazing," he said. "There's so many possibilities."

"Exactly." You turned to look at him. The cold turned his nose red. And the scarf around his neck completed his look that sent your heart galloping in your chest.

And still it was hard to admit that maybe you were falling for him.

His watch beeped suddenly. He turned to you sadly. "I have to go."

"I know," you smiled up at him. You stepped forward, toward him when you suddenly froze. You had no idea what it was you were going to do. Hug him? Kiss him? Definitely not kiss him.

He seemed to sense your internal conflict and he reached out and put his hands on your arms. He dipped his head, kissing you on the cheek. Even then he lingered a little longer than necessary. His warm breath on your cheek set your cheeks aflame.

...

Steve wasn't too sure himself what he wants from you. The word 'relationship' sounds so ordinary to place upon a person like you.

But soon enough he found himself thinking of your smile. Or catch himself fantasizing about what you both could have. It's an enormous change from Peggy.

He finds himself looking at her picture less often. And he finds his thoughts consumed by you. The not-so-ordinary schoolteacher. And he finds himself more often at your doorstep, especially after a hard mission.

Of course, nothing untoward has ever happened. He wasn't like that. He was too old fashioned for that. Despite what Tony says.

"Modern girls just want to be swept up and taken. You gotta just take the leap, buddy."

"Never take love advice from Tony," Pepper warned him. "There's a reason why it took us so long to be together. He's smart but so stupid sometimes."

"I heard that!"

...

He was the one who asked you out first. He beat you to it. You were going to do it...eventually.

He took you to a cafe up the street from the tower.

"Just admit my coffee tastes horrible."

"It's fine. In fact, its reminiscent of how coffee tasted back then." You narrowed your eyes at him.

"I vaguely remember you saying that one of the upsides of the future is that food tastes better." He tried to fight the smile that threatened to come onto his face.

"Fine!" He started laughing. "Its horrid. Please let me enjoy a good cup now." You grabbed at your chest dramatically. "Oh, stop it. I'm pretty sure you put some sort of potion in it to make me fall for you."

A small blush reached your cheeks. "Wait, are you calling me a witch?" He chuckled.

"And you completely ignored the fact that I said I'm in love with you," he raised his eyebrows at you. "Well done."

"No one says that until well into the relationship, you know."

"Then call me old fashioned."

"Now you're making those jokes?" You asked, playfully.

"Tony Stark is rubbing off on me." You laugh as he falls silent, observing you carefully. "You're beautiful, you know that?" You reach across the table, grabbing his hand.

"I'm falling for you, too, Steve."

A smile gradually broke out onto his face. It would take a lot to ruin this kind of bliss.

Like a life threatening final mission.

...

"I might not come back," he murmured quietly into your hair.

"I know," you said, looking away.

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" He asked suddenly. The sudden change in topic almost gave you whiplash.

"What?"

"In 10 years, what do you think you'll be doing?" You looked at him for a moment, wondering if he was serious. He raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

"Um, I'm here in NY. Still teaching, obviously. Because I'll never stop loving it. Maybe have a child or two."

"Married?" He asked, casually. You blinked up at him.

"Maybe? I've never wanted kids of my own. So maybe not. I'll have adopted kids. Two of them." He smiled at you encouragingly. "Or maybe I'll keep working in the Peace Corps. I love doing that, too." He nodded, albeit a little sadly.

"That sounds like a great future."

"What about you?" You ask, suddenly suspicious of why he was asking. He paused, avoiding your gaze.

"I don't see myself coming back from this one."

He held you all night as you cried.

...

You read it in the newspaper first.

Captain America is MIA.

He showed up at your door the same day.

-present-

"How was it then?" You asked, curiosity in your eyes once again.

"How was what?"

"Your first dance with Peggy."

"Magical," he said after a long pause. The wrinkles around his eyes deepening as he smiled at you. You smiled sadly as you observed him. If the depth of his smile lines were any indication, then he lived a happy life.

Steve gently patted the grey hair on his head. "I'm sorry," he started.

"Please don't," you blurted. He paused, hurt flashing in his eyes. "No, I mean, you don't have to apologize. Because if he came calling at my door, I'd be in his arms too without a second thought." He, the man you were once in love with. He smiled gently up at you.

"So what's next for you?" He asked.

"Africa?" You shrugged.

"Good for you." You hummed in agreement.

"You know, I once read a book," he starts to say. You start to smile. "That explains that alternate universes exist. So in an alternate timeline, I came back."

"Did you?"

"Yes. And we're very happy."

"Lucky us."

"Yes. Lucky us."

You never saw him again after that.

But then someone else showed up at your door that same day.

"Mom?"

"Hi, Sweetheart."

It was Steve's final parting gift to humanity. To you.


End file.
